Building Bridges (getting a mother/daughter relationship back)

   

     This past week I had a horrid science project. No doubt some of you have had the same one... Building a bridge, out of toothpicks. Ugh! It got so frustrating and my goodness I've never hated toothpicks so much in my whole life! The glue wouldn't stay right and the whole thing kept falling apart and it just plain was HARD. 
     My dad came in the room once and smiled and said "oh I see someone's building bridges!" ...That gave me an idea for my next blog post. As I do more of these I get more and more confident in what I'm trying to say, but somehow I still never seem to be able to say it right. haha :) Basically, what came to mind was this. Building Bridges is tough work, whether in a family or in a science project. It gets frustrating, and things fall apart or don't work like you wanted them to. It's up to you to decide if what's on the other side of that bridge is worth all the fuss. Frankly, I thought that my science project was NOT, because in the end they were going to see how much weight it held, thus, braking it anyways, but that's besides the point. My point is, Family is always worth it. Think about who in your family you need to build a bridge to... For a lot of teenage girls, I've noticed that it's their mom. So many of us have such a hard time with our mothers, always feeling like our moms just don't understand us, or they don't even try to understand us, which is even worse. When ever I have conflicting problems with my mom, I always think of Merida in the movie Brave. I know some of you probably don't really approve of this movie, I have several friends that aren't so okay with it... But I think part of the reason it was still a popular movie, despite the fact that Disney has DEFINITELY done better, is because they captured what most girls Merida's age truly feel about their mom. They love her, because, well, she's their mom! They really DO love her! But, they want her to change.
     The thing about moms is, they always catch us in those moments when we do something a little.... naughty. 

And the this happens:

 And then this: (because it always seems like there's no pleasing her, and you always get sent to your room and you just seem to always do something wrong!)

     This is totally normal! ALL of us have been here before and it's a normal part of life! Usually, at least the first few times, we forgive and forget. But if it happens like, 20 more times in the next 3 months, there's gonna be some tension. We're humans, we automaticly re-act with sin, it's a part of us we can't escape, but the really scary thing, isn't that you re-act with sin, it's when you get to the point where you don't care. It's when this happens:

     Attitude alert! You think that's it! she thinks that's it! and THAT'S REALLY IT. When, even just one time, your emtions get to be too much to handle, and you burst. You say something your mother should've never heard come out of your mouth, especially toward HER. But often what we don't remember is that she has emotions too! For just one second, take yourself out of Merrida's place that, even absent-mindedly, you probably put yourself in.      What you saw before, and what you see on your own Mother, is the face that Elinor wears in this picture. It looks so angry, but is it really? 
     What we see is a face that says that we're impossible, that says it won't try to understand us and just wants us to listen! No matter HOW we feel about it. But when you take your mind and stick it in Elinor's head instead, your faced with a face that you've been wearing, but never actually saw, so you didn't realize what it was doing to your mom. Look at Merida's face. Defiant, Lashing, saying firmly that she will never listen. That she will never respect, and even that she would love to do anything to make her mom mad right now...           
     What Elinor sees, what you should see, is a face that would BRAKE.HER.HEART. and did. What she sees is her baby girl, the one she once held so close, the one who once told her that she would love her forever, her own little baby girl, with a face that says she hates her. Elinor's face might be angry at the moment, but any human would be! What's deep down in her eyes, behind the anger and behind all the frustrated-ness, is true, deep fear! After all, that's her baby girl! She love her! She doesn't understand how this all started, but the thing is, it did. She feels like there's nothing she can do about it now, like Merida has to make the first move if they're gonna fix this. 
     Chances are girls, your mom wants this too. You and your mom may be completely different than you, but whether you're too different or too the same or whatever your reasons are, you can still get along! It's only hard because, over the harsh words and the tears shed between you two, a rushing, dangerous river was formed. Gushing between you two, you don't know how to get back to your mom! It seems hopeless, we cry and we worry about it, and believe it or not, your mom does that same thing! She loves you, but you've both changed. 
     One thing that's truly hard for me is that I miss these days. -oh-so-much! : 

     There's been so many times that I wanted my mommy to hold me and hug me, to tell me life would be alright, to tell me she loved me. I'm sure You've felt like this before. Life is hard, especially for us hormonal girls! But now we're too big for mom to hold. She knows that. She doesn't wanna make us feel like a baby, no doubt she's confused with what we want just about as much as we are! The thing is, we're not fare to her! think about it! All the time this is the thing she gets! :

And often, that is how we feel about it. We don't know what we want either... Face it girls, whether we like it or not, we're a mess, and we need our moms! They've been through this you know! They haven't been old all their lives! They probably wanted their freedom at some point too, and they probably also wanted their mom to somehow read their minds. Like Laura in The Dick Van Dyke show! haha, yes she's hilarious when she does this but I don't think we realize just how much we do this to our own loved ones.

Rob: *thinks hard trying to figure out what he did* Honey.. would you just tell me what I did at least? So I can fix it!?
Laura: *indigently as if he should know EXACTLY what's wrong* Well! If you don't know I'm certainly not going to tell you!! *starts bawling*
     Ohh boy do we know this feeling or what? But girls, we can't act like this. I know sometimes it would be a lot easier if everyone could just read our thoughts, but they can't. That's far from their fault! The best thing you can do for your mom is to turn the tables and think about how every look, every action you do, every word you say, is affecting her. You love you don't you? Would you like a wonderful relationship to blossom between you two? "Of course!" you say, "It's not like I'm not trying!!" but think deeply, are you REALLY trying the hardest you know how?? This is a question for you to answer, you can lie to yourself of you want, but if you and God already know the truth, what's the difference? The difference is whether or not you really start trying. 
     Girls, You love your mom, but when was the last time you told her that? Start building your bridge. Get your toothpicks together. haha :D Basically, I'm telling you to try, with all of your heart. God gave you to your mother for a reason, He makes no mistakes. Your mom is not a mistake and neither are you! The fact that you two live in the same house, and the fact that she is your mother, wasn't a mistake either. Humans make the mistakes, but the good news is, God wants to help you fix them! pray about yours and your mom's situation, even if it's not terrible, I'm sure it could be better, mine definitely could be! 
     Remember that building bridges, especially across a gushing river of hardened hearts and pain and tears, isn't easy! And no bridge is built in a day either! But if you work one step at a time, and use Jesus' blueprint for it (get the directions daily girls! there's no way you'll be able to do this on your own!) it will happen! Here's a list that for sure doesn't cover everything about getting things back on track with your mom, but definable won't hurt! 

1. Respect her (don't act like your in charge of yourself, you're not. When your mother says something, even if you disagree with it, you need to talk to he with respect. if nothing else, you're respecting the position God put her in.)
2. Smile at Her (this can go a long way! Trust me!)
3.  Share Things With Her (are you excited to see a friend tomorrow? Proud of a grade? Tell her about it! Something tells me that, if you two haven't talked in awhile, you could use some conversation starters next time your in a room together. Telling her about something your happy about gives her a feeling that you care about what she thinks, and that you believe that she does care, even if it doesn't always seem like it. )
4. Say "thank you" (It means a lot to a hard working mom to know that you realize how much this gas money is worth, or how much work it is to plan a menu and run a house. Knowing you appreciate it means a lot)
5. Tell Her You Like Her (this is a totally different level than "I love you"s . Mom's generally know you love them, being liked is different. You know that feeling you get when someone likes something you put on FaceBook? Yeah, to a mom, a teenager telling her that she likes her means something ;) )
6. Help Her (She has a lot on her plate! even offering to help lets her know that you don't want to be a lazy clump-nugget sitting in your room all day while she does all the work. Getting up and helping without being asked gives bonus points. :D) 
7. Let Her in On Some Secrets (I highly doubt your mom's a blabber mouth like Hellga Kakleberry at school. She'll probably keep most things a secret, but if she is that kind of girl, you can tell her things that aren't gonna matter as much! Even telling her about the little boy who kissed you when you were 5 years old can brake down some bricks in that wall. Just mention it casually once if something reminds you of it, It will bring a few laughs and give her a sense that you don't hid things from her (even if you really have a few secrets that are only for you and your best friend. ;) )
8. Ask Her to Pray For You (this shows her that you trust her with some of your problems, and that you believe she will pray for you, and that you love her enough to share hard things with her. Asking her for prayer could make her day, just try it!)
9.  Pray For Her (that's right. She's a girl too you know. We all need each other! I pray for my mom a lot because she works SO hard. Your mom needs it as much as anyone, even if she doesn't know you're praying for her, your love will grow for her if you pray for her, genuinely, all the time.)
10. Hug Her (Your mom may not be a huggy person, That's fine, a light one will work, don't smother her (especially if she doesn't really like hugs like my mom) But when she comes home from a long day in town, or even in the morning before you go off to school, just give her a quick hug to let her know "hey mom, I care." )
11. Encourage Her (this goes along with pretty much all my other things, things are hard for her too, an encouraging word will go so far!)

   12. Don't Be Scared (the worst thing you can do in starting a process of forgivness and forgetfulness between you two, is being too scared. Being too scared makes water rush harder and supplies fall off the bridge. It's like the "don't look down!" saying. If you look down, you'll freak out and fall, if you stare straight ahead, holding on to Jesus' hand all the way through, you will make it to the other side! Don't be too scared to open up, to say whatever Jesus is telling you, Don't be so scared to try, that you never even get a chance for something that could've been beautiful.)
      Well! These just keep getting longer and longer don't they? I have this problem in real life, talking too much. Awhile ago you were probably like "yeah I get the point Ella!" I'm sorry, I'm not perfect. :/ 
     So ladies, I challenge you this week (I'll do this with you, cuz then you know at least someone's doing it too! ) to start building a bridge. Go give your mom a smile! It may have been a long time since she's seen one from you!  (This is the worst part- ready?) OPEN YOUR HEART. Don't POUR everything out to her if you're uncomfortable, but open your heart to whatever Jesus wants you to say to her. Listen to how he wants your relationship to get back on track. I mean it. Pray hard about it, tell him this is something you really wanna do, something you really wanna fix, tell him you need his help, and ask him how to do it. Now, go lay down on your bed. heart facing the ceiling, and listen. Deeply deeply listen to what He says, to what you can feel him telling your heart. Then do it. A huge part of knowing what God is saying to your prayers is listening for His answer! If you pray then jump up and get back to your day, how do you expect Him to tell you what to do?? So I challenge you to try this list out, see what happens, to try building a bridge. If you already have a pretty good relationship with your mom, that doesn't mean it can't be improved! Go make your bridge a little stronger! Is there something on this list you haven't done yet? Or haven't done in quite awhile? 
     One more thing, remember that bridges aren't easy to make! Don't get discouraged after one day and give up! Jesus will help you through this! Just keep going back to him and asking him again and again for more strength, He will give it to you. Don't give up on your mom, you love her too much for that. 
      Remember girls, Life doesn't have to be perfect, to be Beautiful... ~Ella Amira